if i could turn back time. . .

enimsaj. my second half. my better half. the love we share. the memories we looked back upon. life is nothing without you. life is everything with you. your more to me than i'm to me. i'll kill myself if i ever hurt you. i need you more than you need me. i love you and i always will. my only regret is not meeting you earlier than we first spoke. we've been through the struggle, we've held on to the ladder with one hand, we've both took bullets for each other. i don't want this to fall through. you are me. and i am you. you mean so much to me. words cannot describe. my only words are thank you. thank you for making me realize who i am and who i am not. i'll be here no matter what. i apologize for all the pain i've put you through. just believe me when i say that i don't care what anybody thinks about me, i will always, ALWAYS love you. til' my heart stops beating and my blood stopps flowing, i'll have you in my heart.

p.s i wrote this twice. once i was writing, but my laptop battery died. and i was typing non stop about how i felt. so it didn't even autosave. (thanks alot blogger TT_TT) so i rebooted and logged back in and everything was the same and no new poem was added. so i had to REwrite it. but it was easy because i love you jaz. i mean it. i did it in purple, your favorite color for my favorite chica :]

SaturdayJanuary16,2010, just a quick update.

my next poem will most likely be sunday. maybe monday. most likely monday. when all my true feelings kick in. this is not even my heart at its full potential. its 4:44 AM and i'm drinking a pepsi.

Heres a quick little one though :P well not little. but yeah. you know what i mean XD

my only problem is you. not you reading my poem. you. you know you. the one who i gave my heart to. and you had it in your hands. while you sat in the same position for four hours giving away your heart to a dude who probably could care less about how you felt. you don't think i know. i know alright. i know everything you don't want me to know. and i told you everything about me. i only think its fair you show out your colors. i've showed you mine. you say you don't regret it all that much. well i guess i won't regret deleting your number out my phone. i've become so emotional. so stuck. so in a daze. i'd cry over you but my tears would turn into ice sicles from the coldness of your touch. and theres no advantage to that. just the fact that i'd slice open my vein with my tears. ironic.

a lalalalalove poem.

were we stand. in a desert. stranded alone. who knows whats next. i promised to never let you go but your stepping on my hands. my heart pounds harder than before. i loved you. you want me to confess and bring it to your magnifying glass. and you to remain unreliable. i already know everything. you don't even have to explain. i can't believe you. you don't even regret it. thats exactly what you said. you've brainwashed everybody else with how much you think you care. i know you don't. i'm just a last resort. you've already went through the rest of your boy toys. and i'm just the final stop. you took my heart by storm. but now the weathers as calm and i was. now the storm shall begin again. and i'll be taking my heart back. you'll melt in my arms if i hold you. my lips will taint if i kiss you. my heart will burn out if i love you. i'd be giving in too quick. how could you do this to me. we weren't dating but you said you loved me. love is too strong to just mess around around. 4 hours later my final words to you are you lied. and lied you did. thanks for the help.

yay. another poem e__e

i bled. i fought. i gave up. no more. the life. the pain. the struggle. no gain. an endless war with myself. both sides blindfolded with the love of others. your vision is me struggling against the rest. when in my vision, the rest is me. i'm contending my own character. i am the challenger and the champion. the loser and the winner. the definite and the unsure. locks on my brain. i'm on the inside and the out. i'm the visitor and the host.

some random poem.

"once upon a time"

once upon a time, i smiled at it all. everything gave me laughter and smiles. once upon a time, i dreamed. not my eyes closing and wondering off. my actions on E, my mind figures were like a 2 year olds drawing. my thoughts were having a meeting. just a daydream. how could it be so wrong. but a time i never stumbled upon. the sadness and sorrow. the tainted and the tears. the fire and the flames. the arguments and the aggression. i can feel it. something there the whole time. something i never met face to face. i shoved it under my bed. it piled up. more and more. once upon another time i became fed up. tired of the lies to my own mind. tired. rests assure, i'll be fine. i've got it in me. or do i.